Uncle Sam Shows His True Colors: Pride Flag Takes Star-Spangled Spotlight at Military Funeral

In a surprise turn of events that has shocked the very foundation of traditionalist patriotism, Uncle Sam has apparently shrugged off his red, white, and blue ensemble for a garment far more vibrant.

Serving up a dish of controversy as colorful as a double rainbow, a Pride Flag was spotted billowing majestically over a military funeral, replacing the traditionally solemn stars and stripes with a fierce display of inclusivity and diversity.

The location of the ceremony remains as cloaked in mystery as the culprits behind the rainbow rebellion, but insiders are already dubbing the incident 'Pride-gate'. Critics of the move describe it as an act of "unpatriotic insubordination," while others, more broad-minded, argue that it's simply Uncle Sam's bold new makeover, demonstrating that America is finally willing to come out of the closet.

One eyewitness, a burly sergeant with a fondness for camo, reported his initial shock. "I couldn't believe my eyes," he admitted, swatting away a tear with his tattooed knuckles. "I mean, where was the blue? But you know, it kind of grew on me. It had a certain...je ne sais quoi."

Another attendee, a grandmother of three who wished to remain anonymous, echoed the sentiment. "At first I thought it was one of those gender reveal parties gone wrong," she confessed, clutching her pearls. "But then I remembered we were at a military funeral. I must say, though, the colors were a lot less somber. Gave the event an unexpected 'pop'."

Predictably, the incident sparked an immediate explosion of commentary on social media. #PrideSalute trended nationwide, with many supporters proposing a new star-spangled banner with a rainbow twist. "It's about time Old Glory got a facelift," said one Twitter user, while another claimed, "I've always thought Betsy Ross could have been a bit more adventurous."