Mattel Shakes Up Doll Market with Communist Barbie: Hammer and Sickle Sold Separately, Profits Shared Equally
"Communist Barbie: Collectivizing playtime one dreamhouse at a time.
EL SEGUNDO, CA - In a move that could only be described as "toyally unexpected", Mattel, the notorious purveyor of miniature plastic people, unveiled its latest creation: 'Communist Barbie.' This new edition Barbie pledges allegiance to the proletariat, even if she still keeps a dreamhouse.
"Communist Barbie's goal is to give girls a unique perspective on economic systems that have been traditionally vilified by capitalist Ken dolls everywhere," remarked Mattel's Chief Ideology Officer, Vladimir Toykov. "And while Barbie's pink Corvette won't be converted into a tractor anytime soon, she's eager to share the profits of her Fashion Runway Factory with her plastic comrades."
Communist Barbie comes dressed in a stylishly distressed worker's outfit and a coquettishly cocked ushanka, her doe eyes gleaming with visions of a workers' utopia. In place of her traditional accessories, Barbie's new 'Playtime Revolution' kit includes an assembly line conveyor belt and an inexplicably tiny, yet detailed, Gulag.
"The hammer and sickle accessories are sold separately," Toykov added, "because we've found that nothing fuels the fires of revolution quite like a trip to the toy store for the one thing your parents forgot to buy."
The reception among young girls has been startlingly enthusiastic. "My daughter has been holding workers' strikes at the dinner table and demanding that her brother share his allowance with her," one baffled mother reported.
Another parent said, "I thought I was buying my daughter a doll, not an ideology. But, on the bright side, she's taken a sudden interest in the redistribution of chores."
In an avant-garde show of corporate solidarity, Mattel announced that profits from Communist Barbie will be equally shared among their employees, leading to an unforeseen surge in the company's job applications. This revolutionary wage scheme has left rival toy companies worried, with Hasbro reportedly considering a 'Anarcho-Syndicalist My Little Pony' in response.
As our children's bedrooms transform into miniature models of Marx's vision, Mattel's Communist Barbie is not just playing house. She's playing revolution. The question remains: will the toy industry ever be the same? And, more importantly, will Ken finally have to do his own laundry?
