The Rhetoric of "Weird": A Veiled Attack on the LGBTQ+ Community
To understand the implications of labeling Republicans as "weird," it is essential to recognize the historical interplay between the concepts of "weirdness" and queerness.
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Mattel Shakes Up Doll Market with Communist Barbie: Hammer and Sickle Sold Separately, Profits Shared Equally
"Communist Barbie: Collectivizing playtime one dreamhouse at a time.
Librarians Stunned as Hunter Biden’s Cocaine Outperforms Bestsellers in Weekly Checkouts
We've had to implement a new section in our checkout system just to keep up with the accidental cocaine findings.
President Biden dead at 80, Ghost Continues To Stumble on White House Stairs.
Biden's presidency continues to trip up over familiar obstacles.
Pope Francis Calls for Fair Play in Zuckerberg-Musk Deathmatch, Adds, 'May the Best Al Gore Rhythm Win'
ROME - This Saturday, Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg, two godlike titans of tech, are to face off in the ancient Roman Coliseum for a bare-fisted deathmatch. And get this, overseeing the bloody battle will be the Pope. Yes, you read it right. Pope Francis himself.
"Just play fair,
Russia's Top Obituary Writer Takes on Challenge of Describing Prigozhin's 'Natural Causes' Death by Polonium Milkshake
Dairy Doom: 'Putin's Chef' Yevgeny Prigozhin 'naturally' succumbs to a lethal radioactive milkshake in Russia's most shocking lactose intolerance case yet.
Uncle Sam Shows His True Colors: Pride Flag Takes Star-Spangled Spotlight at Military Funeral
In a surprise turn of events that has shocked the very foundation of traditionalist patriotism, Uncle Sam has apparently shrugged off his red, white, and blue ensemble for a garment far more vibrant.
Serving up a dish of controversy as colorful as a double rainbow, a Pride Flag was spotted
Introducing the Apple-Whatever, You'll Buy it.
It may or may not toast bread, write novels, or discover dark matter.
Leaked: Apple's New AR Glasses Feature Reality Distortion Field—Apple Fans Claim They've Had That for Years
In an unprecedented turn of events, our tech reporters have managed to lay their tech-obsessed fingers on a prototype of Apple's rumored augmented reality glasses. Forgive the tremors of excitement in the prose; this is as big as having the Holy Grail on your kitchen counter and using
Ice Breaker: Matt Walsh Exchanges Hot Takes for Cold Fronts, Sets Sail for Antarctic
Trading sharp suits for thermal boots, Walsh sets course for Antarctica, stating 'it's time to break the ice.
After Exhausting All Color Palettes, Wes Anderson Brings Matt Walsh’s Biography to Life Using Just Two Shades
Wes Anderson channels Walsh's black-and-white worldview into a monochromatic cinematic masterpiece.
Report: Despite Nasty Fall, Biden's Wrist Now Least Broken Part of American Health Care System
WASHINGTON D.C. - In a catastrophic stumble that had Washington insiders gasping and metaphors scurrying for cover, President Joe Biden slipped on a rogue puddle at the top of the White House stairs, tumbled dramatically downwards, and emerged with a cracked wrist. Despite this tragic setback, analysts have swiftly
White Cop Discovers Institutional Racism at Ground Level
WASHINGTON—In a discovery that has sent shockwaves through law enforcement communities nationwide, local white police officer Todd McGinty reportedly uncovered the pervasive reality of institutional racism in America after adopting a hands-and-knees position on the concrete beside an apprehended African American man.
Sources revealed that McGinty, a seven-year veteran
Donald Trump Rebukes Son's Claim, Cites Gazelle-like Speed and Nuclear Energy as Proof of Youth
Trump, apparently not content to simply dispute his son's ageist claims, sought to underscore his virile vigor by comparing himself to one of the animal kingdom's most nimble creatures and humanity's most potent power source. "I’m as spry as a gazelle and