Pope Francis Calls for Fair Play in Zuckerberg-Musk Deathmatch, Adds, 'May the Best Al Gore Rhythm Win'

ROME - This Saturday, Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg, two godlike titans of tech, are to face off in the ancient Roman Coliseum for a bare-fisted deathmatch. And get this, overseeing the bloody battle will be the Pope. Yes, you read it right. Pope Francis himself.

"Just play fair, boys," he reportedly said, twirling a strand of rosary beads around his fingers. And then the zinger: "May the best Al Gore Rhythm win." He chuckled to himself, satisfied with his play on words. Al Gore Rhythm. Algorithm. Ha. I get it. A funny one, the Pope.

As the tension rises, I can't help but wonder: why is this happening? Why a gladiator-style showdown? A EU legislation. The so-called Gladiator Bill. A cosmic joke in itself, meant to inject a hint of Roman tradition into dull board meetings.

Bookies are setting odds, the world is placing bets. Zuckerberg is learning to fight from a robot. That's not terrifying at all. Musk? He's lifting rockets. Actual rockets. Falcon Heavies. Oh, and the legislator who proposed the bill? He's worried now. Just now.

Now they're calling it 'The Melee in Rome.' Sounds charming, doesn't it? It's happening, folks. Two tech nerds, in a Roman amphitheater, fighting to the death. Millions of eyes will watch. Pope Francis, bless his heart, prays for humanity to shine through. "May the force of the Al Gore Rhythm guide their punches," he says.

As for Al Gore himself, he's off somewhere, probably perfecting his rhythm. Dancing away while Rome prepares to burn once again. You can't make this up.

And that's it. That's all I've got.